(Photo courtesy of Jamie Vaught)
The evidence is clear for all to see. Dick Vitale has declared fan free agency and left the Dukies (Duke Blue Devils) behind in favor of his new all-time favorite college basketball program, the Kentucky Wildcats. The image at the top of this article is one of but numerous pictures of Dick Vitale with Kentucky cheerleaders, fans, players, his attendance at John Calipari’s fantasy basketball camp in Kentucky, and the best of all Dick Vitale getting some sugar, from the lovely and talented actress Ashley Judd (CEO of all UK fans), who never ages btw. Check it out below (courtesy of CelebTV)
So I called up this legendary broadcaster this morning and Dick Vitale confirmed my suspicions. “Well you know Jason, I really believe that right know John Calipari has become the greatest coach in America with the most suffocating defense we have seen in the last 30 years, which will lay claim to being the greatest team of all time when they complete this mythical 40-0 run and cut down the nets in Lucas Oil Stadium next Monday. Certainly Kentucky with all of it’s warm and loving fans (Gee’, I wonder what he is referring to) history of winning over and over again, the Rupps, the Joe B. Halls, Rick Robeys, Jack Givens, Rick Pitino, Jamal Mashburn, Jeff Shepard, Tubby Smith, Anthony Davis, Willie Cauley-Stein, the Harrison twins, and John Calipari, it goes on and on, I get so excited it’s Awesome baby!”
So I asked, “But Dick hasn’t your unofficial nickname always been ‘Dukie V’ because Duke and Coach K’ have always been your favorites?”
He responded ” Jason, sometimes you gotta kick it to the curb baby,… certainly, there will always be a tiny little place in my heart for the Duke Blue Devils and the ACC, but it’s time for an upgrade, c’mon, it’s 2015, I need the SEC, there is really only one Big Blue Nation-that’s Kentucky baby! Look out UCLA, anything you can do we can do better and we’re about to pass you up on the all-time national titles list, just give John Calipari a few more years and a few more one and dones, and it’s say hello to second on the list for you, UCLA. And I admit I chose to cover the Kentucky -Tennessee game over the Duke-North Carolina game. It was truly my decision. I got bored. More Kentucky for me is always better. They have the most wonderful, supportive, and giving fans. (yeah , we know what you mean)”
Then I followed up with “There is a rumor that you plan to change your nickname to Ken-Ducky Vitale and Ken-Ducky V’ and then sell some t-shirts with it that say 40-0 Baby, along with the image of Miss Ashley giving you a smooch on the cheek, is this true?
Mr. Vitale responded with “All the other answers you seek will be revealed at my press conference on Monday morning on the eve of what is most likely going to be Kentucky defeating Duke, and then I will make the announcement and Ashley Judd will also be there.”
***Okay, this is all fictional, I am as big a fan of Dick Vitale and EPSN as there could be and I would hope he doesn’t mind my having a little fun at his expense, but I definitely can envision this in a Frank Caliendo comedy Sketch and making a mock music video of Pharrel’s song happy, but changing it to I’m Ken-Happy, so come along if you like going, Forty and Oh. I’m Ken-Happy!***